“The most important step out of the karmic law is forgiveness” – Eckhart Tolle
I found this the other day – I had saved it somewhere and had fully intended to write a blogpost about how appearances can be deceptive and how the way in which someone comes across may not always reflect how he or she really feels or feels about him/herself (this has especially come across to me when people have described me in ways which have surprised me – for example (sorry Eloise, I hope this won’t embarrass you) I always looked up to Eloise at Railtrack who appeared far more confident than I was. Apparently she remembers me as someone who was really kind towards her – I thought I came across as rather reserved and not very sure of myself…).
Anyway, I have started writing this blogpost with absolutely no idea about how I am going to tie karmic law and forgiveness in with writing about recent events in my life but I’m sure it will become clear. If it doesn’t at least it’s a good quotation with which to start the post.
I’m generally feeling quite upbeat. I imagine that two glasses of kir-boosted prosecco have helped, but on the whole I’m finding it easier to enjoy life and have mostly these days returned to my usual optimistic self. I was discussing with a neighbour today how money always turns up when you really need it: this is despite the fact that I have agreed with my soon-to-be-ex-husband that I will pay him 15% of the value of the house when I sell it, which will go on the market at the latest when my eldest turns 18. This is in only 5 and a half years’ time – time that will zip past, and my youngest will still only be in his final year of primary school at that point – but I feel happy with the conclusion of the negotiations with my ex and I think he does too, which means we are now getting on OK again. I hate not getting on with people who are an important part of my life: but boundaries have to be drawn sometimes and none of us can – or should – always just give in to what other people want. I’m not sure that there’s any karma involved with my ex but a certain amount of forgiveness on both sides has been necessary I think.
What is lovely is that as far as my in-laws (now out-laws, I guess) are concerned I am still part of the family. I was very keen to meet my new not-a-niece and so yesterday I took Younger Son up to Sandyhills, on the Solway Coast south of Dumfries (so only about an hour and a half’s drive from here) to meet up with his grandparents, uncle, aunts and cousins. It was real family time: we arrived in time for Younger Son to meet his newest cousin on his own and give her plenty of cuddles (he loves babies – she’s six months old) and then we headed down to the beach with Scotland Nanny to have ice cream, build sandcastles, paddle and dig holes. The older cousins all came down to join us when they got back from mountain biking, including Older Son whom I hadn’t seen other than briefly for about a week, and then later I took all five boys swimming. It’s great that my three children all get on so well with their cousins.
Sandyhills itself is lovely. There’s little there: it’s not your average seaside resort with piers and fun fairs and stacks of shops. There’s one very small shop, which smelt pleasantly of new paint, a relatively small but sandy beach, a caravan/campsite and some holiday chalets which have their own swimming pool and restaurant. The ‘only’ occupations are cycling, walking/running, playing on the beach… the TV didn’t work and the children are going to have a week of very little screen time.
It was Sea Therapy at its best, and followed a visit to small-but-perfectly-formed Aydon Castle (near Corbridge) on Saturday where we had been greeted by friendly medieval people including a lady wearing an amazing dress sewn out of glorious bright blue cloth of gold: it really shone in the sunlight.
I drove back home – with a diversion of several miles as there had been an accident on the narrow road to Dumfries – listening to U2 and feeling fairly relaxed about life. And karma? I don’t know. I feel I’ve had a bad enough time recently that any karma must have been repaid. I feel ready for my life to pick up momentum and get exciting again!